Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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