I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize