Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
