And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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