i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
