the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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