So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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