I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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