Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
