You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
