I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
