a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
