I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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