She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
