I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
