Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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