There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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