i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
