when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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