My room smells like vodka and shame
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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