He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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