And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
