Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
