Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
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