I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
