oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
