In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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