you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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