Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize