if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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