she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
