I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
