Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
