bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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