I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
