Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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