you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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