dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
