and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
