I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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