you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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