Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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