she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
