You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
