billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
