been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
