Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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