Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
