hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
