you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
