you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
