At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
