I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
don't judge my taste in strippers
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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