On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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