ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
