My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
