This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
