mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
