I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
