I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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