And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
