I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
