ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
