I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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