I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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