i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
