Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
