last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
