His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
