I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
