so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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