dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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