I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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