Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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